Let's talk Grief

So you’ve probably noticed I’ve been a little quiet, I’m sorry. So what’s my excuse… it’s due to a combination of being busy working on another project, not being prepared and planning far in advance just keeping it real, then life just simply hitting. I decided to pause, it happens but I’m back and ready to share.

In the midst of an amazing project which I could only dream of being part of let alone to be working in 2020 within the arts during National lockdown 2, I found myself emotionally conflicted again as on Monday 23rd November my lovely grandma (I call her Jajja) graduated to heaven…That’s the best way I like to describe death. If I’m completely honest I was not ready or expected her to go, it was all too fast and as I said to my sisters “I really thought she was going to make it”.

Grief is no stranger to me, unfortunately I’ve been here a few times before whilst in the midst of incredible projects doing what I love, where I’m often required to do a perform, here comes the unexpected. I’ve always managed to push through and carrying on which I’m super proud of myself for doing every time. So I knew this time I can do it, because I’ve walked this road before.

Often I prefer to deal with grief privately only telling very close family and friends, but this time I felt led to share. Particularly in a year where many people have lost so much and with the announcement of Tier 4 in London and South East; we are not just grieving loved ones but life in general, jobs, houses, normality, routines the list is endless. I want to share my journey of grief as I’ve seen how it can really take people out, especially during the Christmas season it can be quite hard as you often reflect on what you have and also on what or who is no longer with you. Just know you’re not alone and as crazy as it seems you will be ok, it doesn’t mean its not painful, its freaky hard.

There’s no right way to grieve you just have to allow yourself to go through it and feel the painful emotions, feelings and thoughts of missing your loved one, what could have been, previous memories and conversations. For me I think back to the picture above, me as little mischievous girl meeting Jajja for the first time and all the fun games we used to play which just makes me smile. But then there’s the pain of thinking the next time I touch down in Uganda and go to her house I’m not going to see her beaming smile, whilst she’s doing her Kiganda happy dance...I’m truly going to miss her so much.

This is it though we cry because we miss them, but we have to laugh and be grateful for the memories and celebrate the life we have been blessed to experience.

One thing I’ve learnt from kids is grief does not have to always be sad, they are so quick to keep memories alive, celebrate life and activate creativity.

Whilst we let go of the physical aspects there’s always ways to celebrate life, memories, as well as create new ones. Everything takes time, when it comes to grieving I don’t like to think you just get over it, I don’t think you ever do but you do learn to accept it. For me personally I came to a point that I didn't want to be sad all the time about this and began to let go, of course its a process and there are stages, but I promise you can find peace and joy on the other side of your loss.

So how do you make peace with grief? For me I really lean on my faith as Christian and look to find my strength in God and the word. My favourite scriptures that always keep me going and reassure me that God is always in control and that there’s more to life than this one here on earth are.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

And lean not on your own understanding;

In all your ways acknowledge Him,

And He shall direct your paths”

Proverbs 3:3-5

“Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God and trust also in me.

There is more than enough room in my Father’s home. If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you?

When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am. And you know the way to where I am going.”

John 14:1-4

“He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”

Revelation 21:4

These are my beliefs, whether they are the same as yours or not, I hope they bring you comfort and peace. Loss, grief is inevitable and a part of life and if anything this year has proved is the fragility of life, but just know in the midst of the darkness and sorrow there is light, you will be ok, you will get through this and carrying on. A new journey lies ahead and it can still be filled with so much awesomeness, happiness and peace.

More than anything remember its a process it doesn’t happen overnight, but you will be ok and get through this.